My Egos and I: We Go Places

     Id, ego, and superego; Sigmund Freud had claimed that these

different egos exist within each and every one of us, helping us in deciding and differentiating right from wrong choices. You may also say that these are the desires of the conscious, conscience, and subconscious, and sub-conscience minds; that’s a lot of “KON – SHANT’S! Ha! From what I was told, let’s just say the id is the little devil you see on your shoulder telling you to do something, whether it be selfish or not, and the superego is the little angel you see on your other shoulder telling you to be a “goody two-shoes.” So, that leaves your ego as being simply “you;” the “balance.” Now, when I think back to a time, a very long time ago to when I was just a child; I recall a situation where my id and superego had battled out one another in control over my ego in helping me make a decision at a very early age.

     

     This recalling of morality goes back to when I was either four or five years of age. I was home with my mother; it was just the two of us. She was in the kitchen doing her usual “motherly chores” while I played in the living room, building a massive fort using a few blankets and cushions from all the couches we had, which, if I remember correctly, we had five of them (we had an elongated living room to fit them all in). I had worked so hard to perfect my fort; adjusting and making sure that everything would hold in place, which I succeeded in finally achieving, and boy, was I excited! I looked upon my fort with a triumphant smile, and eager fingers to crawl inside with.

     Once I had pulled back a bed sheet which I used as my entryway, I was in another world. Inside my fort was my own mystical cave of wonders. I remember I spent such a long time just siting and crawling everywhere within my fort, having my own imaginary adventure. But then came the time when I heard my mother’s voice break through to my little imaginary trance. I looked in the direction that I heard her voice from. “Katelynn!” she called out. “Where are you?” From there, everything seemed to happen so fast; she tugged on a bed sheet attached to my fort too hard, and because of it, part of my fort collapsed. I remember the childish rage that filled me at the time, and my self-pitying expression had probably looked something like this; CLICK.

     During my rage, I remember yelling in tears, “It’s ruined now!” and “I hate you!” I then turned around and sat in my fort with my arms crossed. My mother tried to reconcile my feelings by fixing my fort for me -- and now, here’s where my “id’ comes in. Although she was trying to fix my fort, the child that I was, I felt the urge to be spiteful, and so I told her to leave me alone, and I said many harsh comments that implied that I never wanted to see her again. She didn’t say anything, and so she left the room and went back into the kitchen and sat down (I could hear everything she was doing). In the midst of wallowing within my self-pity, I heard my mother say aloud to herself, “little girl doesn't love me anymore,” with a sniffle of her nose, no doubt. Hearing her sniffle hit my little heart with immense guilt; I deeply regretted what I had said to her with an expression similar to this; CLICK.

     Now, whether she knew I’d hear her or not to make me feel guilty; it worked, and that sniffle caused my superego to say to me, “Get up and go apologize to your mother! She’s very hurt!” But then my id would try to retaliate with thoughts such as, “let her suffer for destroying my ‘castle,’ mawhaha!” Alas, it all came to my ego to waiver in which to listen to, and so I chose the wisdom of my superego. I got out of my fort, and hugged my mother and said, “I don’t hate you. I love you!” 

Anyway, so comes an end to this little tale of one of my earliest recollections of encountering my id, ego, and superego. 

And this note right here has nothing to do with this post. I just think this link is adorable. ;]