A Dream of Reckoning

 

     A while back I had dreamt that I was roaming within a giant elementary school that was be taken over by demons that had escaped from hell through a portal somewhere in the school. I was in this school, walking around, observing the area. Everything was covered in blood and a weird decaying growth of flesh was attached to the walls, ceilings, and floors, it was spreading like vines. I was petrified here for there was no exit. The doors and windows were all shut tightly, there was no way in budging them open. As I continued to walk through this horror alone in the darkness with only what little sun rays were penetrating through the blood-stained windows, I looked behind, over my shoulder into the dark hallway I came from. My whole body was startled with fear as a tiny imp demon appeared and was running down the hallway after me. I jetted ahead as fast as I could away from it through these hopeless corridors, but then came the time when I ran around a corner into an open room and I stopped running. I said to myself, “No more, I can’t keep running,” and right after I said that, I jumped off from the floor and grew angelic wings and everything suddenly seemed to go in slow-motion. While I was still in the air, I twirled around to face the imp demon and suddenly, a golden sword, emanating light manifested itself with my right hand. Once this happened, time sped back to a normal flow, and right when the imp demon was a foot away from me, it stopped and cowered in fear as it saw I was about to smite it with my sword. I was going to do just that, too, but I stopped myself with my sword a centimeter away from slicing its body in half. I watched it for a second, its eyes were shut tight, too afraid to look at me. It was absolutely terrified of me, so, I pitied it and spared its life.

   
           My gaze then went from its pitiful face to behind it, back within the darkness of the hallway it came from; there were more imp demons coming my way. So, I immediately flew swiftly away from the horde and I actually found an open window that was left open enough just for me to fly through. Once I flew outside through the window, it was still daylight and I saw other windows left ajar, and because of this, demons were sneaking out through them into  the world. I was worried but with my new found powers, I wasn’t scared. I looked back at the window I flew out from and for some reason; I flew back inside and then quickly back outside. I did this quiet a few times for I was getting an adrenaline rush from it. These demons could not hurt me and so I flew in and out of their territory without fear; I felt I could take on any demon. I became a force to be reckoned with.

          The manifest content within this dream could be quiet simply due to horror video games I've played. One symbolism of demons in your dreams represents that you could be experiencing or inflicting fear, and to be chased in a dream can represent that you are avoiding a situation that you think impossible. Yet, I believe, the latent content in this seems to be related to my own underlying bullying issues that I've stood up too, and also, the ability to be courageous in the many faces of my own fears. The cognitive perspective to this? Unresolved social anxieties leads to a terrible trip within the dream realm, and besides that, don’t play horror games right before bed, and especially, don’t drink milk before you sleep. For if you do, nightmares await! Thankfully, I was strong enough to get out of this one. Phew.

Original Short Story -- "Dear Diary: An 1800's Romance"

Dear Diary: An 1800's Romance

November 5, 1832- Deary Diary, this will be my very first entry. My name is Janet Dear and I am a 16-year old orphan. My teacher here at the orphanage has instructed me to start this diary in a way to "handle" my "passive-aggressive" behavior, whatever that may mean anyway. So here I go; I was born in London, England June 5, 1817. My parents of a wealthy family abandoned me when I was but only eight. The nuns here tell me that they gave me up because I was "too good" for them...; what ever the reason may be, I consider myself just another person in this strange, cold world.

December 25, 1832- Christmas time again and no brilliant presents for us orphans. I mean, the nuns tell us that our gift is the gift of life, and to celebrate, we'll be having a big meal for dinner tonight so I suppose I should be appreciative. I look forward to having an extra piece of bread with my soup tonight.

February 18, 1833- Visitors came today but they just walk past me as usual. I just don't understand! I've asked my teacher many times before why no one has wanted to adopt me and she told me, "Perhaps if you were a boy, now stop asking, child!" Perhaps she's right. Who would want a bony blonde, brown-eyed girl, and now that I think of it, my hair isn't even that blonde! It's DIRTY blonde!! Reasons why I don't look in the mirror.

June 5 1833- Well, it's my birthday again and as usual, no one noticed... Happy 16^th year to me.

December 25, 1833- I hate this time of year. This diary has not been helping at ALL!! I've just been feeling more and more hate as the months go by! AND to top it all off, I'll be turning 18 in the coming months, and you know what that means..., yeah, I'll be getting kicked out!

June 4, 1833- The head nun came to talked to me in private today. She pulled me out of class just to do so. She told me that once tomorrow comes I am to be thrown out but since this is an orphanage ruled by nuns they have the compelling obligation of righteousness and so said that they would be willing to help me... a bit. As soon as the new morning comes, I am to be on my way to The Olde Mont Manor near the Cherish Plains, about 50 miles away from this place in the middle of nowhere and where I will help take care of an old sickly woman named Mrs. Knightley. I will be supplied with a small room and pay.

June 6, 1833- I've finally been able to get settled in my new room in The Olde Mont Manor. I arrived the evening of my birthday off the cross country train, and once I knocked on that old rusted looking knocker,  I was introduced to an old sickly and strict-typed woman whose first coughing response to meeting me was, "Good heavens, child! You're all skin and bones!" She shook her head in disappointment and showed me to a small dark room in the back of the manor. She then gave me a list of the daily chores and routines in order to keep her health good. Some of those chores included giving her her medicine, making her meals, sweeping, making her bed, and more or so, cleaning, at a pay rate of two shillings a day.

Although on a more positive note, I had only money for my train ticket, a kindly gentleman on the train had bought me a meal. He looked about my age and was quite handsome in his gentlemen's suit if I may say so. He had dark, short, wavy hair, styled so elegantly for a man with just the perfect amount of scruffy chin hair and gorgeous hazel eyes. If only the reason he bought me a meal was because he thought I was pretty, but I doubt it. He probably pitied the fact that I look so starved in my ragged, dull dress. Regardless, he has been the first to treat me with such kindness.

June 9, 1833- I'm officially settled within this Manor. I clean, cook and help take care of that old strict woman who continually insults me with subtle comments about my dress and appearance. Why just the other day she told me to spend my next pay on upgrading my wardrobe despite paying the fact she pays me so little. Although, now that I've peeked in the mirror, I realized I could use some cleaning up. I suppose a trip to the dress store wouldn't be so bad. I could even get in touch with my "inner" girl.

July 15, 1833- I've been able to sparingly upgrade my wardrobe little by little; from two pieces of clothing to now five! The old woman seems to be warming up to me day by day as well; she actually offered a teaspoon of honey to me with my tea! She's not so bad after all. Anyway, Diary, today was quite an interesting day. We had a visitor come today and it was that same gentleman that paid a meal for me on the train! Turns out he's the old crank's grandson named James and he'll be staying with us for the rest of the summer! We introduced ourselves to one another and we began having the most interesting of interesting conversations just over a cup of tea, his voice was just so enchanting to listen to!

July 16, 1833- Today was so much fun! After finishing my chores for the old lady, James invited me to have a cup of tea with him! We talked of our past and the look in his eyes when I had told him my life story, looked so sympathetic; he's someone who has been given everything yet he does not act rotten at all..., perhaps it's because he's inherited and works for the Knightley family business of publishing services that he understands hard work; hmm. But anyway, we seemed to have spent hours over tea today just talking and laughing. This has been the happiest I've felt in a long time.

August 10, 1833- I've been finishing my chores so early everyday that James and I have been spending everyday together. I do find it interesting though, that while I'm doing my chores in the morning, he's able to get as much work done with his company of reviewing so many letters, and yet, he's able to finish the same time as me. Whatever the case may be, I'm really happy that he's always finished the same time as me. Early this evening though I was so embarrassed! A young woman came over today to speak to James and I couldn't help but over hear from the other room their joyous conversation. Once she left, she spoke the words, "I love you and I'll see you in a week!" So many emotions went through me, I thought, maybe that's his fiance or something of the sort! James came back to speak with me and I was awkwardly quiet around him that I said, "She's seems nice. Well, I think I'm going to go to my room now and catch up on some reading." But then, he started laughing and said, "You know, that woman is my cousin." My eyes immediately lit up and I said, "Oh that's great! I mean, oh um, well that's good." I was so embarrassed about the whole thing! He thinks it bothered me because I like him or something...; well, now that I think of it, I do.

August 30, 1833- The summer comes to an end today; James will be leaving for London. I have an utterly terrible feeling in my gut that I cannot explain. I don't want him to leave but a lady never asks a man to stay and may not even feel the way I feel about him. We haven't spoke of either feelings for each other..., sigh. I've decided this is my last diary entrance; I rather not rewrite the coming days of doing nothing. So, so-long diary.

Little did Janet know that that very day would change her life forever! James Knightley asked Janet to join him for a walk through the garden of the Manor, and once at the end, he spilled all of his feelings out for her. He then got on one knee and asked her hand in marriage. Janet was stunned and dropped to her knees to meet his eye level and cried tears of joy. The both of them shall be going back to London where they will start planning their future together.  

My Theory in Helping to "Activate the Placebo Effect"

     The Placebo Effect, the effecting of the mind to heal itself naturally without any real physical treatment. Now, I believe, and this is all strictly theory, that if one were to use a machine that manipulates how our brain thinks into activating this effect, and in doing so, we could heal ourselves through this mysterious ability we harbor. Sound too science fiction? Think again! We already have a machine that can read our minds, so why can't it be possible to create a machine that can change our thoughts? Perhaps, we could even utilize this mind reading machine into manipulating thoughts, and so, we can "activate" the Placebo Effect.

     The Placebo Effect is one of the most mystifying wonders of the brain. When someone is under the influence of this effect, – we have been able to discover with an MRI which part of the brain responds to placebos. So, inventing a machine that can manipulate our thoughts, and how would this machine manipulate our thoughts in the first place? Well, I speculate that if we create a machine that sends alternating wave lengths to a patient's brain, we'd be able to, at least, influence a person's thinking. These wave lengths could alternate how the cells, atoms, and neurons in our brain function. This machine can be a small but powerful device that can peer into our minds and be strong enough to alter a person's thinking.

     Now, writing about this even further, I realize that this may sound like the ultimate form of mind control, but, perhaps for this whole theory to work, we'd have to make specific alternating wave lengths in order to properly affect each part of our brain because when we think, our brain responds and lights up in different areas according to certain thoughts. So, specific wave lengths can only effect certain parts of the brain, and if anything, I'm sure we could always make a new constitutional law to prohibit "invasive mind control" if this theory is ever proved true. Anyway, back to the truly positive potential of this, we could help people heal themselves of many illnesses. Life could even be extended by positive alternate thinking, and after all, people take anti-depressants to think positive; so why not use a device that can activate the Placebo Effect, and we can heal ourselves naturally. This theory is really out there, I know, but, all the knowledge that we have today, had to stem from creativity first, and I believe it's possible to achieve something of this nature. In the future we'll be able to create something similar to this idea and it will allow people to live longer, happier lives.

            Here are some interesting videos on the Placebo Effect: 

And here are some experimental videos in testing the Placebo Effect:

                                 

                                 

     

                                     Yay, or nay; you be the judge.

My Egos and I: We Go Places

     Id, ego, and superego; Sigmund Freud had claimed that these

different egos exist within each and every one of us, helping us in deciding and differentiating right from wrong choices. You may also say that these are the desires of the conscious, conscience, and subconscious, and sub-conscience minds; that’s a lot of “KON – SHANT’S! Ha! From what I was told, let’s just say the id is the little devil you see on your shoulder telling you to do something, whether it be selfish or not, and the superego is the little angel you see on your other shoulder telling you to be a “goody two-shoes.” So, that leaves your ego as being simply “you;” the “balance.” Now, when I think back to a time, a very long time ago to when I was just a child; I recall a situation where my id and superego had battled out one another in control over my ego in helping me make a decision at a very early age.

     

     This recalling of morality goes back to when I was either four or five years of age. I was home with my mother; it was just the two of us. She was in the kitchen doing her usual “motherly chores” while I played in the living room, building a massive fort using a few blankets and cushions from all the couches we had, which, if I remember correctly, we had five of them (we had an elongated living room to fit them all in). I had worked so hard to perfect my fort; adjusting and making sure that everything would hold in place, which I succeeded in finally achieving, and boy, was I excited! I looked upon my fort with a triumphant smile, and eager fingers to crawl inside with.

     Once I had pulled back a bed sheet which I used as my entryway, I was in another world. Inside my fort was my own mystical cave of wonders. I remember I spent such a long time just siting and crawling everywhere within my fort, having my own imaginary adventure. But then came the time when I heard my mother’s voice break through to my little imaginary trance. I looked in the direction that I heard her voice from. “Katelynn!” she called out. “Where are you?” From there, everything seemed to happen so fast; she tugged on a bed sheet attached to my fort too hard, and because of it, part of my fort collapsed. I remember the childish rage that filled me at the time, and my self-pitying expression had probably looked something like this; CLICK.

     During my rage, I remember yelling in tears, “It’s ruined now!” and “I hate you!” I then turned around and sat in my fort with my arms crossed. My mother tried to reconcile my feelings by fixing my fort for me -- and now, here’s where my “id’ comes in. Although she was trying to fix my fort, the child that I was, I felt the urge to be spiteful, and so I told her to leave me alone, and I said many harsh comments that implied that I never wanted to see her again. She didn’t say anything, and so she left the room and went back into the kitchen and sat down (I could hear everything she was doing). In the midst of wallowing within my self-pity, I heard my mother say aloud to herself, “little girl doesn't love me anymore,” with a sniffle of her nose, no doubt. Hearing her sniffle hit my little heart with immense guilt; I deeply regretted what I had said to her with an expression similar to this; CLICK.

     Now, whether she knew I’d hear her or not to make me feel guilty; it worked, and that sniffle caused my superego to say to me, “Get up and go apologize to your mother! She’s very hurt!” But then my id would try to retaliate with thoughts such as, “let her suffer for destroying my ‘castle,’ mawhaha!” Alas, it all came to my ego to waiver in which to listen to, and so I chose the wisdom of my superego. I got out of my fort, and hugged my mother and said, “I don’t hate you. I love you!” 

Anyway, so comes an end to this little tale of one of my earliest recollections of encountering my id, ego, and superego. 

And this note right here has nothing to do with this post. I just think this link is adorable. ;]

My Theory on Perception

     Perception is a pretty interesting word itself. Determining how you interpret something and yet how another sees it..., can have a worlds apart meaning. For instance, listen to an instrumental song and let it speak to your soul. Then, without say anything of how it made you feel, let someone else listen to it so you don't influence their interpretation of it, and once that's done, you can finally express how that song had spoken to your soul to the person who had listened to it. You might be surprised on how their interpretation may be different than yours, and this, I believe, is solely because of one's own uprising affecting their mental state.

     Here's another example for one's own perplexing perceptual mind. What do you see ?

     Do you see a mask? A lady being torn apart by winged monsters? OR two gryphons spinning a church bell? At first sight, I saw the latter, and because I saw it that way, I perceive it to be just that, because that is how I feel most strongly about it, and this may be because I write fantasy novels and that will always be my different view point of seeing a certain angle of the world. Someone else may say they feel that this image clearly shows one of the first two options that I had mentioned or some completely other image that I just don't see. But that's because of the influences that have shaped their mind to see things the way they want it to be seen, and it's because of this that, we in society, are all very diverse and that we are not clones of one another. We have different cultures because everyone perceives the world differently and depending on where you live, your perception is influenced by that environment.

     The environment that you surround yourself in, feeds your mind, and in doing so, shapes your personality. So, like it or not, the way you think is heavily influenced by your day-to-day activities, family, and friends. One last example of this would be growing up in a family that thinks conversation during dinnertime is appropriate, while another family thinks that it's absolutely rude to talk while you eat and so they will perceive the first family as wrong, and vice versa perception from the first family. Now, on an even bigger proportion, with say, world leader's having different perceptions, could lead to wars and hysteria, depending on what it would be about. In the far past, kingdoms would fight each other because of how one group perceived the world to be something that it should be, and so if they felt strongly about it, would lead to an enforcement on others to perceive the way they do. So, with this in mind, mass perception actually shapes the world.